i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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