wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
