How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
