What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
