I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
His nipple licking is glorious
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