I'd wear matching sweaters with you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
