i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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