Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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