Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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