he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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