i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
