Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
