Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
