saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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