Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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