I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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