Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
