we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
