But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
