My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
