Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
