Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
