Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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