we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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