I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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