I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
