Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
