all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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