There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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