Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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