my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
