I wish I could punch you in the face.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
