So drunk its hurt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
