how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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