Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
