high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
