"it" just moved
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
