its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
