so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Acid is not a monday night drug
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
