I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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