Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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