Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
