you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
