Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
