Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
