I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
