i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
