"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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