I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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