sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize