Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I understand Curling. That high.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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