I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
