i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
