If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
