That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
