did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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