i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
