Who wears a wallet chain?!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
