this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
