You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
