I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
