Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
