no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
