Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
